Added: Waseem Rogerson - Date: 04.12.2021 16:54 - Views: 14871 - Clicks: 6079
Receiving a Personality Disorder diagnosis can be really difficult and can come with a lot of negative associations attached. There are many who disagree with the medicalising of these experiences altogether. But for a lot of people, a diagnosis is a way to understand their problems and find a path to treatment and support. Andy tells us his story. My name is Andy, I am 33 years old. I am diagnosed as having severe antisocial personality disorder ASPD.
A quick google of this diagnosis will reveal a character assassinating portrait of a person incapable of empathy and hell bent on destruction of themselves, others or both. While this may happen in some instances it does not happen in all of them, contrary to what the media would have you believe.
I was born in to a woman who had no maternal instincts and neglected all of her children. My biological father had schizophrenia, took drugs and later killed himself. This meant that at only a few months old I was taken by social services and placed into a foster home. Then, at just over 2 years old I was adopted. I was brought into a family that have shown me so much love and understanding throughout my life it is truly incredible. A lot of people idolise their parents but mine really are amazing.
I have yet to meet two other people who are so loving and compassionate. My parents were unable to stop it at the time, as they didn't know it was happening. I never told anyone until afterwards. As anger seemed to be my only way to express how I felt, although looking back I have no memory of any feelings. To this day if I think of any of the things that happened during those years I see them very clearly but with no emotion attached.
This is something which is true of all my memories from this time, not just the abuse.
The abuse stopped because we moved house for my father's work but my behaviour continued to deteriorate, especially during my teenage years. I was angry and hostile, my behaviour lead to me being excluded from school and I was violent towards animals. When I grew up and found out my diagnosis, I knew that was the reason why.
At the age of 16 I was seen by a 'top' clinical psychologist. But looking back it was clear I was not ok. Two years ago I requested all my medical records and I was able to read what he had written, what my parents had said to him and also what my GP had mentioned. I am still truly astonished that being a psychologist with the reputation he had, he could not see what was clearly sat right in front of him.
After finishing my A Levels where I once again underperformed, I started working. People have careers and goals that they can throw themselves into and be passionate about. I am completely unable to do that. Through a job I got as a door supervisor I met people involved in all sorts of criminal activity. By the time I was 21, I was one of them and got my first conviction for robbery.
However I hid this from my friends and family and continued life as normal. I now know that this is when I first was first diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Remarkably the doctors never told me, although they wrote it down and shared it amongst each other. They prescribed me anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication which whilst seeming to dull my senses slightly did nothing in addressing the underlying problem.
And not once was I ever told what was wrong with me. I lived a double life. On one side I was a self-employed computer technician and on the other I was serious criminal.
This continued until I ended up in court again. I was told by my barrister that I would probably go to prison. And I suppose this was the turning point. When I decided to make a permanent change for my sake and the sake of my family whom I love very much.
My partner was pregnant you see, and I would miss the birth of my daughter and likely the first few years of her life if I went to prison. Not to mention the thought of being trapped in a cell was terrifying. It was at this point whilst trying to better myself that I was finally told my diagnosis was severe antisocial personality disorder. I had gone to seek help because I thought I potentially had ADHD, a fairly logical conclusion because of my impulsive thrill seeking behaviour and low boredom threshold.
Up until then I had not known what was wrong with me and so I was unable to deal with the problem. This has not been an easy journey. I have had several jobs since and I have found out a lot about myself and my personality and what my strengths and weaknesses are. I would be very surprised if anyone who has met since would think there was anything wrong with me.
The only thing unusual about me if it even is unusual is the struggle of being permanently bored and restless. My mind and body seem to need so much stimulation it's almost painful. Since I have channelled this into exercising, mainly weights and strength training, and also into reading and I love puzzles.
I often look at people just sat contently watching television and wonder how on earth their minds are so peaceful. As I am now I know I would never go back to a life of crime and I have no desire to do so.
Now the struggle is discovering what to do next, something which I think about every day. But I still don't know. She informed me that I am capable of love and empathy with certain people that I am close to but outside of this I am completely remorseless. This is something which my family have struggled greatly with since learning of my diagnosis. And to be honest, in some ways I wish I hadn't told them.
Once they googled it, they instantly came across sites and forums dedicated to this topic. All of which insist I am incapable of loving anyone but myself, and that any s I do is only so I can use and manipulate them. But I strongly believe the majority of studies done on ASPD are on dangerous criminal 'psychopaths' who are in prison for serious crimes.
While there are a huge of people, like me now, who are not violent or criminal, and live normal lives. But that frustration I have with my family soon subsides. I am truly grateful to have been blessed with them. If you have been diagnosed with a Personality Disorder or would like to learn more, we have information and some self-care advice here. Visit our information s to find out more. Blogs and stories can show that people with mental health problems are cared about, understood and listened to.
We can use it to challenge the status quo and change attitudes. Coronavirus: Find our information and support and more on our work. This is the clinical diagnosis which is synonymous with the words psychopath or sociopath. You might have some ideas about what that means, and therefore what sort of person I might be. I know that because my life is not how they say it is, or should be. My childhood I was born in to a woman who had no maternal instincts and neglected all of her children. My teenage years I was angry and hostile, my behaviour lead to me being excluded from school and I was violent towards animals.
Looking for a Reading and an antisocial woman he had it is possible that my life would have taken a different course. My life now My partner was pregnant you see, and I would miss the birth of my daughter and likely the first few years of her life if I went to prison. Related Topics Personality disorders. Share this story. Share your story with others Blogs and stories can show that people with mental health problems are cared about, understood and listened to.
How to write a blog for Mind How to make a video blog vlog for Mind Read the house rules and commenting policy. Related stories. How I've managed to live with a personality disorder Art is my OCPD therapy Emily, who lives with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, blogs about how Zentagling helps her. Katie's experience of inpatient care Katie talks about borderline personality disorder and about her experience of inpatient care. More similar stories.Looking for a Reading and an antisocial woman
email: [email protected] - phone:(497) 651-9357 x 7576
Antisocial Personality Disorder