Added: Kymberly Keeton - Date: 21.07.2021 05:39 - Views: 38807 - Clicks: 3454
Oral sex is like the cream cheese icing on a red velvet cake. For many, licking it off before indulging in the rest is irresistible. For others, the frosting can be overwhelming or unenjoyable. Simply, oral sex, like cream cheese icing, isn't for everyone. Oral sex can feel intensely intimate. And, for a whole host of reasons, your partner may have an aversion to it. But rest assured that the reason why your partner won't go down on you may actually have nothing to do with you and, rather, everything to do with them.
Here, relationship therapists and sexperts alike talk about why your partner may skirt around mouth-motivated foreplay, how their negligence in the cunnilingus department may affect you and your relationship, and how to navigate the situation with your partner in a productive, healthy way. It's possible that your partner doesn't want to go down on you because they're anxious about receiving oral sex in return.
Or because they're just nervous about how their own body will react while giving pleasure — if they don't get hard or wet in the act, it can feel embarrassing. Society has instilled deep-seated shame in many of us surrounding our bodies and the ways in which we express sexuality.
For too long, we've been predisposed to unfounded notions of "normal" — vaginas and penises should look this way, and they should function that way. Folks often worry about the appearance of their vaginas and vulvas, according to a survey of more than 3, people by Refinery Too many people feel self-conscious about the way the lips of their labia look. Many others dwell on how tight or, rather, how "loose" their vaginas are. Too many concern themselves with the color of their vulvas, fret over every fold or hair or razor burn bump and worry about totally healthy, natural odors that I love providing oral necessarily smell like flowers.
In the same vein, many men are reluctant to admit that they're "growers" not "show-ers," because society says only certain sizes are sexy. They're expected to become erect and make those erections last, and they can feel emasculated when they inevitably sometimes don't.
Studies show that men Google more questions about their penises than they do about how to tune a guitar or change a tire. And, ironically, when your partner won't go down on you because they're insecure about their own body, it can make you feel insecuretoo.
Perhaps your partner had less-than-satisfactory experiences with partners that have caused them to steer clear of oral sex altogether. This could be especially true if your partner is a perfectionist or if they've had an experience in the past where they were ridiculed or told they were bad at it.
Because of experiences, your partner may not feel confident initiating oral sex, adds Jill McDevitt, resident sexologist for sex toy retailer CalExotics. On the contrary, they may fear being slut-shamed for showing interest or being sexually assertive, perhaps because of negative reactions they've had when initiating oral sex in the past.
Your partner might also feel "used" or "subservient" if they're always the giver and rarely on the receiving end of oral sex, adds McDevitt. While some people may find pleasure in giving pleasure — and that alone could suffice — others may feel uncomfortable with the lack of reciprocation they've historically experienced. Your partner may also have had a more deeply-rooted traumatic experience with oral sex. Child sexual abuse I love providing oral one in nine girls and one in 53 boysand those who have experienced sexual abuse are more likely to battle mental health challenges like post-traumatic stress disorder.
Oral sex can, therefore, be triggering for some who have been sexually abused. In the same vein, McDevitt explains that some people could worry that, if they give oral sex, they'll be expected to engage in other sex acts with which they aren't comfortable. The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse are various and complex.
Research suggests that survivors of child sexual abuse may struggle with distrust, depression, distorted self-perception, and intrusive thoughts that may or may not be accompanied by substance abuse and behavioral dysfunctions.
Some research purports that male survivors may feel "dehumanized or inadequate" and that "there is something inherently wrong with them" because they should have been "strong enough to stop the abuse," which can feel emasculating. Other research finds that they may even grapple with their sexual identity well into their adult lives.
And more research says they may withdraw from intimate partnerships and isolate themselves from others. Studies suggest that female survivors of child sexual abuse may feel similarly riddled with guilt and shame surrounding their sexuality, and they may develop mental health issues, including dissociative disorders. Internalizing negative messaging about themselves and their bodies is not uncommon — nor is somatization in the form of physical health complications. All of these mental and physical manifestations of trauma can influence a person's partnered sex life and general relationships in adulthood, potentially steering them away from engaging in oral sex with others.
The same goes for all sexual assault — whether asas a teenager, or as an adult. Perhaps an ex-partner of their's broke their trust, forcing them to engage in oral sex without consent. In fact, 33 percent of sexual violence cases are committed by a current or former spouse or partner. Trauma from any kind of sexual abuse can play a key role in your partner's aversion to oral sex. And, even if you feel like your partner can and should trust you, they may struggle to because of their past. Here's some guidance on how to talk to your partner about your sexual past. It might be as simple as this: your partner is downright selfish.
If you are I love providing oral someone who is regularly selfish and self-centered, this could translate to not being giving sexually. If your partner is male, I love providing oral a chance that they're just more concerned with their own pleasure than yours — whether that misogynist behavior is conscious or subconscious.
And, because oral sex is the top sex act for getting vulva owners to orgasma partner's reluctance to perform oral can certainly contribute to the pleasure gap. Again, this kind of potentially misogynistic or selfish behavior probably plays out in other aspects of your relationship and intimate moments beyond oral sex. There might not be any underlying reason as to why your partner isn't going down on you beyond the fact that they just don't feel like it. Everyone has different sexual preferences, and some people just aren't into it — and that has nothing to do with you.
To be fair, it's also possible that some people aren't into it because vaginas have been cloaked in shame and wrongly regarded as dirty in some aspects of pop culture. These kinds of attitudes can unconsciously seep in and influence someone's view of a particular sex act. Or, it could be as simple as "a personal preference and something they just do not enjoy doing," says Pressman.
Just like you have sexual turn-ons and turn-offs, your partner has turn-ons and turn-offs. Oral sex may not be one of their turn-ons, or it may be one of their turn-offs. Whether or not they're willing to compromise for your pleasure is a different I love providing oral. Communication is key in order to have the sex life you desire.
But lean into the awkwardness because avoiding it — or using passive or non-verbal hints and hoping your partner gets the clue — is only going to make things worse. In other words: If you don't talk about it, it'll probably bubble up inside you, which can lead to tension in your relationship. Plus, not having the conversation means definitely not having oral sex. Just remember that conversation is a two-way street i. Instead of telling them what you don't like which may exacerbate any already-self-deprecating concerns or amplify their insecuritiespractice positive reinforcement i.
Writing it down ahead of time — perhaps in a sex journal — can help you gather your thoughts going into the conversation. You may choose to end the conversation with a loving and affirming statement, to make sure you both come away from the experience in a secure hepace, she says. For example: "I love being intimate with you, and talking about these things honestly makes me feel even closer to you. Your partner may not realize that their actions or, rather, inactions are making you feel insecure or dissatisfied. And reassuring them of how much pleasure you get from being intimate with them can go a long way in mitigating any of their own anxieties.
If it's as simple as your partner just isn't willing to go down on you, well, it's up to you to decide whether or not you're okay with not receiving oral sex in your relationship. By AnnaMarie Houlis September 21, Save FB Tweet More. By AnnaMarie Houlis. Be the first to comment! Close this dialog window Add a comment. Add your comment Cancel Submit.
Back to story Comment on this project. Tell us what you think Thanks for adding your feedback. Close in. All rights reserved. Close this dialog window View image.I love providing oral
email: [email protected] - phone:(475) 733-1913 x 7471
We Asked Men What They REALLY Think About The Taste And Smell Of Your Vagina